Thursday, March 29, 2012

3 months and some progress made!

Sister Love

Peace from Jailynn and Jaidyn

More Love and Happiness

Jaidyn playing with Jailynn on the tire swing.

Jaidyn's first bike!

She rode her bike all day long!

Riding bikes with Jailynn.

Jaidyn is coming out of her shell and blossoming! She is full of joy and happy most of the time. She loves playing with Jailynn outside and loves her first bike. She is also bonding more and more with me. I am also doing so much better and feeling like myself again. It was a hard adjustment for me and I had to do some major soul searching to make sense of my emotions. I finally prayed and found that I had to forgive myself and Jaidyn for her initial response to me. I had to let go of the negative emotions and ask God to heal my emotions. I also had to forgive myself and let go of all my preconceived expectations and except Jaidyn for who she is right now. I realized that I had so many preconceived ideas and expectation for how this adoption would go and how I would feel in China and how Jaidyn would respond to us. None of my expectations were realities and I was disappointed on a deep level that I did not even realize. When Jaidyn rejected me that just made matters worse within myself and I did not know how to deal with how I was feeling. I did not know that I was feeling all this. I only knew that I felt terrible and I was not bonding with Jaidyn. I was experiencing post adoption depression and post traumatic stress from previous adoptions. Very hard to deal with when I wanted to feel excited and happy to be united with Jaidyn and in China. So it took nearly three months to work all this out and get over myself! Wew! I can honestly say that when I began to forgive myself and let go that I started feeling so much better. It took lots of prayer and soul searching. This was not the rainbow and roses adoption. I am just thankful that I am over that phase and enjoying getting to know Jaidyn. She is a sweet and loving little girl that needed a Momma and family to love her.


  1. Great job with the soul-searching! I know EXACTLY how you feel, how the things you dreamed about are not the reality. My daughter has been home over a year and a half now and I still have times where I just don't feel as connected to her as I'd like to be. I finally told myself just recently that it's a clear sign of how much I love her that I KNOW it's not quite right yet. That made me feel better.

    So glad to hear that you have a happy girl! It's a rollercoaster for sure!

  2. Good morning Melanie - funny - if you give birth to a child everyone understands this period and call's it "Post-Partem Depression"....but when you adopt a child they don't seem to realize that it happens then too - we call it Post Adoption Depression - and we've gone thru it all three times! I mean - prior to travel you have all the "stuff" you need to do for the process and paper chase, then pack and re-pack - then travel - then home and then what? Your entire world - and your child's entire world - is completely upside down...and you don't feel the "instant connection" or worse (and more reasonably) your child doesn't!! You described the mix of feelings / emotion / fear / and yeah - even anger - beautifully. But you add to that the thought "if I was a good parent I woudn't feel this way". Oh - the guilt too....

    Oh this is so real...

    Thanks for praying it through! Know that, first and foremost, your feelings are real! But more importantly - that they are NORMAL!! But MOST importantly - that they pass!!! The bond happens - and you learn each other - and the feelings develop....

    Because - and folks forget this - probably why divorce happens so much today....

    Love is a verb - it's and action.

    Love is a process - it grows and develops over time.

    Love is hard work - and you need to work at it every day.

    And that's why it's ssssoooo sweet!

    Great joy for you guys - proud of you - thank you for taking the time to share it - and thank you for "forgiving yourself" for being human...

    You're ready - go live life!

    hugs - aus and co.

  3. Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging comments. They brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad to have Jaidyn in our family and I realize that it takes time. I am happy that the connection and bonding has started and I know she is thriving. I am also taking time to breath it all in and let the love grow.

    Thank you and your comments mean so much to me.

  4. Hmmm...just sent a comment...a rather lengthy one...and it vanished. Is it there somewhere?? Don't want to repeat it if it is going to "pop up" soon.

    Love you girl,

  5. HI Sheri,
    I don't see your comment. Sorry. Looking forward to reading it!

    Love ya,

  6. HUgs and prayers, Aus's points are so well put that I don't even know what to add!