Thursday, March 29, 2012

3 months and some progress made!

Sister Love

Peace from Jailynn and Jaidyn

More Love and Happiness

Jaidyn playing with Jailynn on the tire swing.

Jaidyn's first bike!

She rode her bike all day long!

Riding bikes with Jailynn.

Jaidyn is coming out of her shell and blossoming! She is full of joy and happy most of the time. She loves playing with Jailynn outside and loves her first bike. She is also bonding more and more with me. I am also doing so much better and feeling like myself again. It was a hard adjustment for me and I had to do some major soul searching to make sense of my emotions. I finally prayed and found that I had to forgive myself and Jaidyn for her initial response to me. I had to let go of the negative emotions and ask God to heal my emotions. I also had to forgive myself and let go of all my preconceived expectations and except Jaidyn for who she is right now. I realized that I had so many preconceived ideas and expectation for how this adoption would go and how I would feel in China and how Jaidyn would respond to us. None of my expectations were realities and I was disappointed on a deep level that I did not even realize. When Jaidyn rejected me that just made matters worse within myself and I did not know how to deal with how I was feeling. I did not know that I was feeling all this. I only knew that I felt terrible and I was not bonding with Jaidyn. I was experiencing post adoption depression and post traumatic stress from previous adoptions. Very hard to deal with when I wanted to feel excited and happy to be united with Jaidyn and in China. So it took nearly three months to work all this out and get over myself! Wew! I can honestly say that when I began to forgive myself and let go that I started feeling so much better. It took lots of prayer and soul searching. This was not the rainbow and roses adoption. I am just thankful that I am over that phase and enjoying getting to know Jaidyn. She is a sweet and loving little girl that needed a Momma and family to love her.